9.3.11

Inspiration

On vacation this time, something happened. Maybe it happens with each vacation, but it has been so long since I took one, I forget. There is a reason we are “given” time off. Do not waste this time. Time is a precious commodity. Some have more of this than others. Back to the subject at hand…. (You will find I go off the scheduled path with an ease like no other) inspiration. Vacation is for rest, peace, to live your life the way you want to, each second is what you want to do, eating, soul searching, and of course – getting inspired. Everyday life can be inspiring. Can be. You have to look and remember to look when you go day in and out with the same ole schedule. So the beauty, serenity and just general free and artsy vibe of Savannah and Tybee Island GA provided me with just the getaway I needed. I thought I needed the sandy beaches of an exclusive far away resort, but alas I learned I only needed a trip 4 hours south! The beach is what does it for me. To each their own. Yes the mountains I love.. the fresh air, the calm, open road and lack of technology give any mountain town near me a great escape from it all, however nothing beats the sand, water and sun at the beach. It was a perfect 75 almost the entire time. I thought – a lot. Life, love, me. Recently I have uncovered a new me. Maybe it is the real me. Maybe you are interested? If not, leave now. I feel the need to share with my readers as I never have before. I feel the need to be honest and real. I always thought I was… but I may have even fooled myself….

I live in Atlanta, have done since 1992 when I decided to leave Bolton, England and return to the USA to start college. I was 17. No family for at least 6 hours and freedom to boot? Let’s just say that story until now is a novel in more than one part. So let’s stay away from that road for now.. at least most of it. Atlanta was not as it is today. It was a city – a beautiful city which was new to the hustle and bustle and varying folks moving to town. In fact I thought of it as just a big town. Fast forward to 2011 and we are pretty much a real city, like any other city. Fast moving, people everywhere, self absorption, manners all but gone, self importance (too inflated of course) etc etc. I could go on and on with the downs of both the city life and country life. We all have them. I won’t.
(see off the main path again)… so back to inspiration. I was really inspired this past month. I am 36 and just realizing some things in life. Maybe some things I ought to have already learned by some standards but that is the point I am trying to make. When did we all become God? When did we all take the right to judge everyone else while not looking closely at ourselves? When did calling another woman a bitch become cool? (Is white bitch the next cool thing because in the 19 years I have lived in Atlanta – being called that numerous times is NOT -can I tell you- COOL). When did being a rude person become status quo? I have always been different to the mainstream and guess that wont change. At 36 though – I have become almost comfortable with myself. Almost. So some of the same feelings I have been trying to suppress as I thought growing older meant being different – untrue to myself so I could appear more mature. I am not mature. I am a child inside. I dressed in suits after college because I thought you were supposed to. I tried to act more grown up and get a REAL job. That hasn’t been a high of my life either. Nothing I was supposed to do has worked for me. So I pretended to be happy and guess where that landed me? In a heap of mess. Emotional and otherwise. We are not here to moan and groan though as I am grateful for every second of my life. So finally at 36 I am getting it together or feel like I am and this vacation was the inspirational push I needed. Life is short. Live it on your terms and the rest will fall into place. I don’t dress for anyone else any more, I work to live and not live to work, I am comfortable that I don’t have kids, don’t make 6 figures, am not a size 4 or 6 and yes my hobby is something that is mostly covered by 20 something’s. AND? So what. I have a job, a wonderful husband, a fabu family, health, a home, and friends. I have been somewhat shy and nervous about putting myself out there. Not sure when that happened but I don’t want any part of it any longer. Fake is not in my future. Growing older does mean change, many are scared of change, but change - in fact - is good. It cleanses the soul and refreshes your spirit. You learn from change. I do make mistakes – I have made a lot. Only a fool repeats them over and over. I am also a fool – but no longer. I no longer care to pretend that all is fine. I no longer care to pretend I am more successful than I am. I no longer care to pretend I have the best life and the best of everything. I no longer care to live a fa├žade. This is me and I am proud. Proud I quit drinking, proud I beat cancer – twice, proud to be a great wife and home keeper, proud to be a great employee, proud to still love life and love getting older, yes I said that! Proud to have hobbies, friends and family that make life fun! Proud to be an American and proud to be ME. SO here it is my friends, the new journey of Verseastyle… a lot of fashion, and a little more ME.

Xoxoxo Deanna Heath

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